Oasis On A Train - Part 1

Alternate Title: Poop On A Train (to compete with the hugely popular Snakes On A Plane)

Oh what's that? You think you see an oasis on a train? Stop. Step back. You don't. There is no such thing. New York City has already thought of everything you know. So quit it. New York City is better than you and you're better off if you understand and respect this immediately.

And yet, once in awhile, you might think you're special. You might think you can pull one over on New York. Well, you can't.

But, the other night, as I descended into the 160 degree 2nd Avenue Stop, I heard, almost immediately, the distant rumble of the F train.

Could it be? Could it be I wouldn't have to wait in the bowels of stank for even a minute? Was this my lucky day? Was this the day that NYC wouldn't kick my ass?

Oh but, the luck seemed overflowing this evening, because not only did I not have to wait, but I also saw an empty car!

Empty! My favorite kind of car! A place to sit! All the really matters in life is a place to sit, as far as I'm concerned.

And, somehow, I think, this empty car amongst all the other very crowded cars has just somehow gone unnoticed! Until me! Only my watchful eye has noticed it!

Yes, I am the greatest of all time, I think, to have noticed this empty car that everyone else has somehow missed.

I think yes, finally, I have outsmarted New York City. At last.

LISTEN TO ME ONCE, IGNORE ME NOW AND REMEMBER ME TOMORROW: YOU CANNOT OUTSMART NEW YORK CITY.

Let me repeat myself, as a note to myself: YOU CANNOT OUTSMART NEW YORK CITY.

If you think you can, it will give you the beatdown you need in a hurry.

Don't worry, I got mine.

[to be continued]