I prefer despair.

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The fight ain't over 'til you heard the bell.

So sweet babies, enough already of my bullshit.

It's time I turned my attention to what's important. Cable television.

So the other night, I'm watching Rocky V on the cable and I got to tell you, that movie is HILARIOUS.

First off, Rocky V wears HILARIOUS glasses at the beginning. You want a laugh? Wear those. I tried to find a picture online, but could not.

But I did find these when I googled Rocky V:


And then shortly after Rocky V takes off his bad glasses, a doctor informs him that he has suffered severe brain damage.

Um, he didn't need a doctor to tell him that. I coulda told him that. The slurring gave it away real quick like.

Oh Rocky V, don't listen to Adrian, you may as well fight again. You're bankrupt and brain damaged.

I say go for it.

And then he goes to the gym to see Paulie. And Paulie was drinking out of flask that looked like binoculars. I want those so bad. That was my favorite part of the movie.

Then I quit watching and went to bed.

God I love cable.

Note: I actually think Rocky pulls off the fedora here. BUT ONLY HIM. AND MAYBE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE BUT THAT'S IT. None of you better try it.

My love will murder you in your sleep.

I'm up at 5 in the goddamn morning. Total bullshit.

I wanna be unconscious but I'm not.

I'm still obsessing about that one. But you know what? I gotta admit that I'm, sickly and wrongly, um, sorta enjoying myself in a sick and wrong kinda way, wallowing in the tragic last embers of my dying romance. I mean, I think it's dying. Pretty sure. Sometimes I like to pretend that it's not. I know this is dumb, ok?

I just love the romance people. God, that sounds gay.

I love the all encompassing distraction. The games. The drama. THE PASSION.

OH MY GOD I LOVE THE PASSION.

I love it all, my sweet babies. I LOVE IT. TO DEATH.

Yes, I can love you to death people. My love is just that powerful.

So look out.

Ms. Subway Seat Hogger

This morning as usual, I would have paid $500 to sleep in.

However, at least I had my nap on the subway ride to work to look forward to. WOO.

But when I got on the train, I saw that all the primo sleeping seats had been taken, except for three, which were all being occupied by a girl putting on her make-up.

When I asked if she would mind if I sat down in one, she said she needed them to put on her make-up, and could I sit somewhere else.

Apparently, SHE NEEDED THREE SEATS TO APPLY HER MAKE-UP.

I then, of course started to seethe. But I knew this wasn't a battle worth fighting, so I just said "how rude" and sat down in a less than ideal seat.

The woman to my left then expressed that she was on my side, etc etc. So I looked at her and rolled my eyes and then made that "what are ya gonna do" shrug of my shoulders, and got ready to put my headphones on and close my eyes.

But the woman to my left wanted to complain more, and go on and on about how the girl shouldn't put on make-up in the subway, and she hated to see it because then "all the men could watch her."

Um, that is so not the point. Who the fuck cares about that?!

The point was she was hogging three seats on a crowded commuter train and that is wrong! And I really didn't feel like listening to her halfassed opinions about what ladies should and shouldn't do on the train - I WANTED TO SLEEP.

So the woman keeps talking at me, and now I'm annoyed by her AND the seat hogger. I JUST WANTED TO SLEEP, not fight, not complain, not talk at all! And the halfassed opinion lady was just continuing to stir things up with Ms. Seat Hogger!

I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to be involved in any of this!

And then I thought fuck it, I'm just gonna put on my headphones and close my eyes, she can keep talking if she wants. And she did, but I ignored her.

I wanted to just forget this altercation because it wasn't worth getting upset about.

But I couldn't forget and I sat there seething.

Since my direct approach hadn't worked with Ms. Seat Hogger Diva, I decided to try the passive-aggressive approach - my favorite.

So I got out my notebook and put it on my lap right where Ms. Seat Hogger could see, and in my biggest scrawl I put:

TAKING UP 3 SEATS ON A CROWDED SUBWAY IS EXTREMELY RUDE.

And she read it and apologized.

But I'm still mad because I can never let things go.

But neither could the boring old halfassed opinion lady who missed the point.

I WILL NEVER EVER LEARN EVER.

Note to self: Do not drink and text.

So I sent some drunken text messages to you-know-who last night, and now I feel so stupid.

When will I ever learn? I'll tell you when. Never. That's when.

Because I hate learning.

No but seriously, how many rounds of text and regret, text and regret, must I suffer before I quit doing it?

Or maybe I should just get used to saying things I regret. I really should because I DO IT ALL THE TIME.

My emotions just take over and try to ruin my life. They are so demanding! And so crazy! And so powerful!

God damn emotions. I am SO SICK OF THEM.

I want to get over him so bad, but I'm not there yet.

HOW DO I GET OVER IT ALREADY?

I Got Tagged.

Yeah so, if Julie does it, then I'm doing it. Ok? Ok. And yes, I would jump off a cliff if she told me to.

Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

1) Whiskeymarie
2) FeistyMnGirl
3) What Greg Likes
4) A Blog of a Good Time
5) Lormo Inc.

Select five people to tag:
Alannah
Beehive
Cheese
Stefka
Tina Ballerina

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was very busy doing a whole helluva a lot of nothing much.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Trying to keep it together.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1) Booze
2) Prescription Painkillers
3) Easy Cheese
4) Booze
5) Broken Dreams

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:
1) Let Me Be There - Olivia Newton-John
2) Mama Tried - Merle Haggard
3) Bust A Move - Young MC
4) It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) - R.E.M
5) Hollywood - Jay-Z (I'm lying about this one. But I'm working on it and am confident I will soon have it memorized).

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1) Buy you.
2) Sell you.
3) Make a sandwich. No, like a really good one.
4) Eat that sandwich.
5) Buy a small town and name it Loriville.

Five bad habits:
1) Dreaming of buying and selling people.
2) Masturbating at my office desk.
3) Working myself into a murderous rage when people walk too slowly in front of me and block my path.
4) Being a dick.
5) Telling my deep, dark secrets to strangers on the internet.

Five things you like doing:
1) Drinking booze.
2) Taking pills.
3) Lurking in the shadows.
4) Raising hell.
5) Buying and selling people.

Five things you would never wear again:
1) A pleasant expression
2) Anything my mom says "looks cute on me"
3) Pleats
4) Pleats
5) Don't ever wear pleats. Please.

Five favorite toys:
1) Guitar Hero
2) cable television
3) Sit-n-Spin
4) my vagina
5) pills

So Anyway

So, I'm not feeling well and last night I took Nyquil and cough syrup and Benadryl and I woke up FLYING HIGH! WOO!

And, I'm almost done moping around about my tragic love affair.

I'm gonna give myself one more week to mope, then it's back to business!

Seriously, I've got things to do and it's high time I quit dicking around.

(Ha ha. High time. I love high time).

But seriously folks, I have got to stop looking for distractions and focus on my future.

It's kinda like now or never.

I mean that beach house in Malibu that I want isn't gonna hop into my lap while I'm watching cable tv.

I need to get cracking! And I'm gonna. No I am. No seriously. I am!

Look at me when I'm blogging at you!

I am gonna get cracking! I mean it!

The Lori Mocha Movie

I finally put down the bottle last night and got some rest. So, I feel better. And I want to thank all my sweet babies for being here for me through yet another crisis.

YOU KNOW I LOVE MY SWEET BABIES.

Last night, I asked Max (BFF) what I should do next. He said I need to look forward, instead of backwards. He always knows just what to say and that's why he is my #1 sexless lover.

So! Enough of this sad-sack-I-cannot-go-on bullshit!

Let us look to the future! The Lori Mocha Movie!

So, I've compiled a list of potential titles for the Lori Mocha epic movie:

• Crying On The F Train*
• Kinda. Sorta. Maybe.
• WHY GOD WHY
• Fuck this
• Chronic Malcontent
• Weak Will To Live
• She Coulda Been A Contender
• Sigh
• I Don't Wanna
• You Can't Make Me
• Don't Boss Me
• Dizzying Highs/Terrifying Lows
• Violent Mood Swings
• Addicted to Love
• Slacks
• Her Street Name Is Boloney Sandwich
• I Shouldn't Have Said That
• You Can Always Kill Yourself Tomorrow
• Happiness Makes Me Uncomfortable
• Sick & Wrong

What do you think? What's the title of your movie?

*Alannah's favorite.

My Dream

So, despite staggering heartbreak, I'm not doing half bad. NYC has toughened me up I think because things I’m able to brush things off that would have devastated me 10 years ago.

I mean, I was able to get up and go to work today - I probably wouldn't have been able to do that just a few years ago.

I am well on my way to becoming the cold, hardened bitch I've always dreamed of becoming.

I dream of becoming a cold, hardened bitch because I'm tired of having feelings. I hate having feelings. I have way too many and it sucks.

Maybe I don't really mean that. My violent mood swings are what make me who I am, I guess.

And I know that in order to get the dizzying highs, you gotta accept the terrifying lows. They are a combo package.

But I think my life would be easier if I could quit having feelings and just be a cold, hardened bitch.

I'm working on it.