Worst Post Ever

I'm back my sweet babies!

Sorry I've neglected you for awhile, but I've been super busy swimming around in a bucket of anxiety.

But I think I can finally pull myself out and get back to where I belong, here, with you.

So, what shall we do first? I say we take a handful of pills and call it a day. Ok maybe not a handful, but at least a couple!

Must Find Strength to Blog Again

Oh you guys, I am just so beside myself! I am just a nervous wreck just because I have a new job.

I am jaded.

I DO NOT deal with change well. And it seems I've gotten myself into the magazine publishing biz and I just don't feel ready.

But if not now, when?

And what about my little comedy dream? I just don't have the strength.

I have so little strength. Must find strength.

Alannah: 1st Winner of Pay Attention to Lori Contest

Alannah has done an excellent job of paying attention to me.

While some of you are doing pretty good, you should all try to be a lot more like Alannah.

PAY ATTENTION TO LORI

I feel anxious and hot, so very hot and alone.

In other words, I feel like a barrel of dead monkeys.

I have never liked Tom Cruise.

NEVER!

He wants to pry to my pills from my hands!

My pills were NOT made by Nazis, Tom!

Mother's little helpers are helpers, not evil Nazis, Tom.

Get it together, Tom, you crazy.

Mediocre Street

Well, I got a full-time job, kids.

I'm on my way to Mediocre Street!

I promise to remember you, my first loyal fans, as I skyrocket to the lower middle class.

I promise to keep my feet off the ground and my head in an US Weekly.

Hot in the City

Too hot to blog, y'all.

Take it easy, don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.

Angry Rainbow

Lori Responds to YOU

Shel, I'm always worried about what I'll be wearing in the event I'll have to suddenly leave my home because of disaster. Last nite it woulda been a mumu as it is now HOT season in NY. No spring, no summer, just winter and Hot season.

I've tried to put an crisis outfit by my bedside that I can quickly throw on in case of a crisis, but what do you wear in a crisis? Jeans I think. But who knows?

And then besides, I keep wearing my "crisis" clothes for other non-crisis events.

Alannah, not real news! I can't respond to that, besides saying blah blah blah too BORing.

Bec, I agree, Brad is hiding something, but what? Why bother? He might be trying to protect Jen - but I didn't see the interview, I need to!

What's Up With You?

What's happening in the world? I need to know, as I have been hiding from the world as much as possible, aside from some job interviews or two or six.

Tell me what's going on!

Jackhammering & Pounding on Sheet Metal

Every morning, I am awakened either from the front of my apartment, where men jackhammer, scrape and circular saw all day, or I am awakened by my landlord neighbor, who think it's perfectly neighborly to begin pounding at 8am on whatever's lying around, apparently. Seems not to matter what the project for either, as long as it's good and loud.

And what can I say to either party? Hey business across the street, shut up! Hey landlord, shut up!

These phrases flow easily while I'm practicing them alone in my apartment, even better when I add "fuck" in there.

But is telling them to shut the fuck up really going to accomplish anything?

Can I tell a business to shut down? Is it wise to tell my landlord to fuck off?

Can I put a rainbow in my pocket?

I wish an angry rainbow would come kill them all.

Someday I hope my rainbow revenge fantasies will all come true. And I believe they will.

Look out for rainbows, they seem friendly, but can lash out at you at any moment.

Oh and landlord and business across the street - SHUT UP!

Worm Eaters

CHAOS AT LORMO, INC!

Thanks for all your input gang on the t-shirts.

But I fear this is a decision I must make on my own.

I've got to take some time this time, no matter what it takes.

I've got a big decision to make here at Lormo, Inc. Marketing is going crazy. Accounting is fighting it. The CEO can't make a decision.

CHAOS AT LORMO, INC!

Or the snail first?

I want to do more than one t-shirt, but have to find the best to start with, so that I can sell them and then make more.

If I make one first that doesn't sell, end of business.

Here's where the marketing department really goes into a frenzy.

Get Slower

Shoulda Coulda Woulda

Look at the Pretty Flower!